I don’t think Christmas has ever been this bittersweet for me before. Kellie picked out all the presents at Amazon the week before she died and they were delivered two days afterwards. Sending back her presents was awful. And wrapping all the gifts that she picked for me and the kids out was one of those things that makes you smile while you’re crying. I tried my best to wrap everything with as much care as she would have.
Decorating the tree was kind of a nightmare. Luckily, Jared helped out and demanded my attention the whole time so that I wouldn’t think about the fact that picking out the ornaments this year was one of the last things Kellie did. And the tree is lovely, but it would have been better with her here to add more lights and more ornaments, and to do a better job of spreading out the fake branches.
I couldn’t find all of the usual decorations we put out, and I’m not making any Christmas cookies. I was going to make fudge for the kids, but I forgot the ingredients when I went to the grocery store, and that’s probably for the best. All I really want for Christmas is to lay around and tell my kids that I love them.
Sierra just called to say that she’s on her way home from her dad’s house, so she and Jared and I will be spending it together. I’m so glad to have her back. I would have given up anything to have my kids here for Christmas.
I hope that each and every one of you that read this has a wonderful Christmas. I wish you all the best and hope that you’ll remember to appreciate every single moment of this happy occasion, and to hug everyone just a little closer while you’ve got them around.