Dear Customer Care Team-members,
I know you don’t care about me or my problems. I know that they only put the word “care” into your job title so that a) we’d associate you with Care Bears and have a harder time strangling you (not gonna dissuade me though), and b) management can snicker behind your back. So let’s not pretend you’re fooling anybody.
Regardless, you don’t have to rub our noses in it by lying to us. Tacking this onto the bottom of your emails:
Please do not respond to this message as no one will receive it.
That’s just bullshit. You created an automated system for receiving and tracking the form that I filled out to complain about whatever it was your company screwed up in the first place. Why not give me an email that does the same thing?
Anyway, I know you’re not listening to this either, so I’ll go back to screaming into this hole in the ground. Maybe somebody in China will care.
Burn in Hell,
Jemal
Dear everybody,
That email you sent? I read it. It was great. I appreciate that you sent it to me. And I also understood that you wanted me to write back. But to be honest, I’m having a really hard time keeping up with email lately. This is one of those areas where the cracks in my “he’s keeping his shit together pretty well” armor start to show. Sorry about that. But if it takes me longer than a minute to read your email, or longer than 2 minutes to respond, it probably won’t happen.
If you really want to talk, call my cell. Don’t have the number? I guess you could try email, for all the good that’ll do you.
Sorry,
Jemal
I mentioned a while back that I was using Google Apps for Your Domain to handle my email, and I discovered a lovely side benefit. By pointing my MX record for tanglebones to Google, my main account is a catch-all for any emails sent to @tanglebones.com. So if you were to send something to admin or webmaster or sysad (or jackass) @tanglebones, I get the message in my email.
So when I fill out a comment card in a restaurant or sign up for a service, I can be sure that as long as they get the host right, I’ll get my email.
And when your email address is “jemaleddin” that’s a big help.