So I’m sure you’ll all be tuning in to Spike TV’s free broadcast of UFC 75: Champion vs Champion this Saturday at 9pm, if for no other reason than so that you can watch as all of my fight predictions are proven wrong. Oh sure, I’m no fight expert, and I’m certainly not a fighter myself, and maybe, just maybe, it’s true that I’m not even sure who all of the fighters are, but that’s not going to stop me from flaunting my inexperience. So once again, it’s time for my incredibly superficial fight picks!
Quinton Jackson vs. Dan Henderson
Quinton “Rampage” Jackson recently came over to the UFC from the now-defunct Pride Fighting Championships where he spent years as a good, but not great, middleweight fighter before entering the UFC where he faced Chuck Liddell for the light heavyweight belt, knocking him out in the first round. He has a background in wrestling, but has improved his striking game with a great right hand.
Dan “Hollywood” Henderson recently came over to the UFC from the now-defunct Pride Fighting Championships where he spent years as a good, but not great, middleweight fighter before entering the Pride Bushido Welterweight Grand Prix where he faced Murilo Bustamante for the welterweight belt, winning by split decision. He has a background in wrestling, but has improved his striking game with a great right hand.
Who wins it? Rampage: bigger, meaner, and better than ever. Plus he wears a big chain to the ring - how does a guy nicknamed Hollywood compete with that?
Marcus Davis vs. Paul Taylor
Marcus “The Irish Hand Grenade” Davis has been forced by the UFC to change his nickname to “The Celtic Warrior” for this fight because it’s being held in London. Paul Taylor is fighting because he’s from Walsall, England, and the UFC is hoping to draw more English fans. Davis wins it because we’re sure he’s actually a fighter.
Mirko Filipović vs. Cheick Kongo
Mirko “Cro Cop” Filipović is the most feared striker in MMA. So feared, in fact, that when he nicknamed his right leg “Hospital” and his left leg “Cemetery,” nobody laughed. Even so, he’s had a pretty up-and-down career with some losses that just don’t belong there, including his recent loss to Gabriel “Napao (translation: I can’t fight because that old man busted up my big nose so badly that the blood in my eyes is making me cry)” Gonzaga. Cheick “The French Sensation” Kongo is French. Cro Cop wins by tap out in the first 5 seconds.
Michael Bisping vs. Matt Hamill
Michael “The Count” Bisping is big with precise striking and excellent submission defense. He was undefeated on his season of The Ultimate Fighter, and has been impressive since. Matt “The Hammer” Hamill is an amazing wrestler who “happens to be deaf.” But he’s one dimensional: he takes opponents down and hopes that they twist something on the way to the canvas. His striking looks like everybody’s drunk uncle boxing with a pinata at a REALLY good birthday party. Bisping wins because this isn’t a wrestling match.
Houston Alexander vs. Alessio Sakara
Houston “The Assassin” Alexander made an impressive debut knocking out Keith Jardine so powerfully that even Jardine’s enemies felt bad for him. Alessio “Legionarius” Sakara is an Italian that nobody has really ever heard of. If I had to put down money on this fight, I’d bet that Alexander wins, but he keeps opening his mouth. Strikes against him: he claims to have won “hundreds” of underground fights, his sponsor is “8-ball Nutrition” and he was screaming “Nebraska” over and over after his last fight. Prediction: Sakara just because if he babbles a bunch of bullshit, it’ll probably be in Italian and I won’t have to care.
Terry Etim vs. Gleison Tibau
Gleison Tibau is a Brazilian Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu fighter who trains with American Top Team. Terry Etim is another guy with freaky abs that last fought in UFC 70, in Manchester. I guess he’s another Brit that they’re going to keep bringing to every event in the UK. Tibau because somebody cared enough to make him a Wikipedia entry.
Anthony Torres vs. Jess Liaudin
Anthony “The Crush” Torres washed out of the second season of The Ultimate Fighter. Jess “Joker” Liaudin is French. Are they trying to make this event easy for gamblers? Torres because while he’s Chamorro, Spanish and Irish, he isn’t French.
Thiago Silva vs. Tomasz Drwal
Thiago “Anderson Ramos Da” Silva is… wait, that’s not a nickname! That’s just his long-ass name! It’s a good thing that Silva has the Chute Box Muay Thai experience to back up all those names. Tomasz “Gorilla” Drwal is polish, as anyone who noticed the distinct paucity of vowels in his name can tell. I’m sure there’s a “How many pollacks does it take to knock out a Chute Box fighter?” joke in this somewhere, but it doesn’t matter. Silva will knock him out.
Dennis Siver vs. Naoyuki Kotani
Who? I don’t know anything about these guys. Well, I know that Siver is German. And Kotani is Japanese and fights for “Rodeo Style.” I guess in this battle of former Axis allies, whoever doesn’t fight for “Rodeo Style” wins. Siver by decision.
So those are my picks. While I was 8 for 8 last time, I would encourage you not to take my advice too seriously, since I have no idea what I’m talking about.