September 24th, 2008 by Jemaleddin Cole

Fur­ther details about how com­put­ers suck, espe­cially when they pre­tend to be human:

I don’t think the people eHar​mony.com matched me with are even real. Some selec­tions from the sug­ges­tions they emailed me (empha­sis mine):

Kim (Alexan­dria): It’s impor­tant for me to make new friends, and to keep phys­i­cally fit.
amy (Abing­don): It’s impor­tant for me to be in set­tings where I will meet new people, and to keep phys­i­cally fit.
Amy (Bal­ti­more): It’s impor­tant for me to create romance in a rela­tion­ship, and to keep phys­i­cally fit.

Really, ladies? Really? Guess what went in my profile?

Jemal (Glen Burnie): It’s impor­tant for me to hunt you robots down and kill you before you and Skynet take over the world on judge­ment day and to keep phys­i­cally fit.

Here’s the sad part: these three “ladies” were sent to me sequen­tially within 20 min­utes. Great minds think alike, eh?

Category: Personal, Web Sites
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Newer Entry: Something We Can All Agree On
Older Entry: Adventures in Dating, Pt. 1

10 Responses to “Adventures in Dating, Pt. 2”

  1. “She’s your Queen-​to-​be. A Queen-​to-​be for­ever. A Queen who’ll do what­ever his high­ness desires. She’s your Queen-​to-​be. A vision of per­fec­tion. An object of affec­tion to quench your royal fire. Com­pletely free from infec­tion. To be used at your dis­cre­tion. Wait­ing only for your direc­tion. Your Queen-to-be.”

    God, I love ‘Coming to America’. I wish you were closer, Cole - I’d go woman-​shopping with you. Remem­ber that crazy girl you were with once upon a time? She was okay, but her nipple rings scared me!

    — Jolene September 26th, 2008 at 10:42 pm #

  2. Hey, wait for pt. 3! That’s when things really get cook­ing!

    And don’t remind me of you-don’t-remember-who!

    — Jemaleddin Cole September 27th, 2008 at 10:28 am #

  3. Oh, yes I do remem­ber her and the lady was a…freak!

    Truce as long as BOTH our pasts are to be for­got­ten.

    Anx­iously await­ing part 3 and by the way - I par­tic­u­larly loved your past ref­er­ence to neck fat. Sud­denly my turkey sand­wich is repul­sive to look at. Thanks for that, friend.

    — Jolene September 27th, 2008 at 9:45 pm #

  4. “…to keep phys­i­cally fit.”

    That’s a euphemism mean­ing, “I’m not fat.” Were you look­ing for a 300 lb. woman?

    — skank September 29th, 2008 at 7:21 pm #

  5. @Jolene: TRUCE! GLADLY! And I’m glad I could help with your sand­wich dilemma.

    @skank: that’s what an agent of skynet would say.

    — Jemaleddin Cole September 30th, 2008 at 6:53 am #

  6. Enough of this dating shmat­ing talk!

    Where’s the polit­i­cal insight I’ve known and come to love from you?

    — Patricia October 2nd, 2008 at 7:32 am #

  7. @Patri­cia: That’s all on my Tum­blelog where I’ve been col­lect­ing videos, images, links and quotes of what’s going on in the elec­tion. Actu­ally trying to write some­thing would look like:

    So the Repub­li­can ticket is McCain-​Palin. Wait, Palin? SARAH PALIN? Ph’nglui Mglw’nafh Palin R’lyeh Wagn’nagl Fhtagn!! Palin Fhtagn!! PALIN FHTAGN!!!!

    — Jemaleddin Cole October 2nd, 2008 at 8:30 am #

  8. Oooooooooh - sweet! I’ll get my fix there, thanks!
    Oh, re: “Ph’nglui Mglw’nafh Palin R’lyeh Wagn’nagl Fhtagn!! Palin Fhtagn!! PALIN FHTAGN!!!!” You’re such a geeka­zoid! And I mean that in the best pos­si­ble way.

    — Patricia October 2nd, 2008 at 3:01 pm #

  9. @Patri­cia: Are you mock­ing Cthulhu?

    — Jemaleddin Cole October 2nd, 2008 at 3:34 pm #

  10. No - rather, I’m mock­ing you. =)

    Watch the debate and I’ll look for thoughts on your TL.

    — Patricia October 3rd, 2008 at 5:29 am #

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